"Them" - The Optimal Dog - The Optimal Dog



Your dog’s not overweight, is she?

Of course not.  You’d never let your dog become overweight. You’re not one of them, you’re one of us.We know that obesity is horrible for health.  We keep ourselves well-informed about the importance of proper nutrition and the benefits of an active, healthy lifestyle.  We’re smart.  We have common sense.

And we really care about our dogs.  We love those crazy mutts.  They’re our best friends.  We look out for their best interests.  We would never do anything to jeopardize their health.  We’re good people.

No, we’re nothing like them.

They don’t care about their dogs.  They’re irresponsible.  They’re bad owners.  They don’t do enough to educate themselves.  They’re lazy.  They’re dumb.  They’re unethical.  They’re bad people.

If only there were more of us and less of them.  Because about 41 million of the 78 million dogs in the United States are overweight.  More than half the dogs in the country!  That’s right, there are actually more of them than there are of us!

Can you imagine?  Millions and millions of people out there with no idea whatsoever that obesity is bad for their dogs. They know that it’s unhealthy for humans but they just don’t understand that it works the same way for dogs. They’d fall right out of their chairs if they were reading this blog.  Yeah they’re nurses and teachers and lawyers and psychologists and florists and stockbrokers and moms and cardiologists.  They’re capable of accomplishing all kinds of amazing things.  But they’re just so stupid when it comes to their dogs.  Them.

And don’t even get us started on the millions more who don’t even care about the health of their dogs.  Sure they pay thousands of dollars a year to buy food for their pets.  And yeah they get up early to let them out.  And clean up their poop.  And maybe they let them drool and slober and shed all over their nice, clean homes.  Maybe they let them sleep in their beds at night, snoring and scratching and making a fuss.  And yeah they cry when they go through the anguish of losing their best friends.  But, jeez, they sure are heartless bastards.  Them.

Thank God, folks, that we’re better than that.  Thank God we’re nothing like them.

Because if we were anything like them then canine obesity might just become a full-fledged epidemic.

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